5 Signs You're a Lumbersexual

Remember when skinny-tied metrosexuality defined the “modern man”? Those days are gone. No longer are the designer-stubbled, skinny-tied metrosexuals of the 2000s considered to be on the frontline of everyday masculine fashion. Instead, a new tribe has evolved. A tribe who sport beards, chunky knitwear and hiking boots in the heart of Peckham.

Are they off to scale a mountain and butcher an elk? Could they be stopping en route from the forests of Scandinavia? Nope – they're “lumbersexuals”. And they're sipping on craft beer in every vaguely trendy bar near you. Are you amongst their number? Here are five tell-tale signs of “lumbersexuality”. Award yourself a point for every sign that rings true...

  1. You've considered buying beard oil

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A fine beard is the lumbersexual's most iconic accessory. No lumbersexual should ever be seen without his furry, facial friend. Do you remember when the perfect metrosexual hairdo was all about carefully cultivating the “just woke up” bedhead look? There's a similar concept at play behind the lumbersexual beard. You want it to look rustic, but not homeless. That's a delicate line to walk, which can take many hours of upkeep to perfect.

  1. Your flannel shirt cost a week's wages

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Just how much did that “just scratchy enough” flannel shirt set you back, my bearded friend? If it was “a little too much”, chances are you're a lumbersexual. There will be no charity shops, high street purchases or ASOS orders here. You need an authentic flannel, made from the best, most rugged materials. Obviously.

3. Your tattoos are highbrow

 

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There will be no “MUM”s in hearts or footballing loyalties on show on the true lumbersexual's skin. Instead, images of birds, stags and the natural world abound. You may even find the odd meaningful geometric shape, ironic cartoon, or deep musical-come-poetical reference. The unifying theme is that lumbersexual tattoos are more highbrow than your average ink. They really mean something, man.

  1. You wear hiking boots on the Tube and to bars

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Sometimes those escalators really can feel mountainous, which is one reason why hiking boots are pretty much lumbersexual essentials at all times. Granted, these beauties look pretty damn good in any environment, but if you want to gauge your lumbersexuality, these will win you a strong extra point.

  1. Whisky is your “poison”

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If you're not drinking craft ale, you can be found with a beardful of whisky, appreciating the top notes and peaty aftertaste like a man who really knows his way around a bottle of the good stuff. Ideally manufactured by a niche distillery on a little known Hebridean isle (or made from an obscure grain in the Deep South), this is your tipple for when the modern world becomes too much for you and you need to do some good hard man thinking.

So, how lumbersexual are you?


0:

You are not lumbersexual in the slightest, take yourself for a walk in the great outdoors to get into the spirit of the thing.

1-2:

You have lumbersexual traits but, chances are, you've picked them up unconsciously through popular culture. The fad will fade.

3-4:
You're a conscious lumbersexual, you appreciate the masculine, outdoorsy lifestyle but haven't taken it to the level of extreme pastiche yet. That's probably healthy.

5:
You're a committed, unsalvagable lumbersexual. Go forth, buy an axe, we wish you and your beard all the happiness in the world.

 

How many points did you get? What's your take on the lumbersexual trend? Join the conversation on the Base Facebook page.